Saturday, September 08, 2007
THE GATWICK CITY 'IDEAS AND DISCUSSION' FORUM (aka 'THE GATWICK FORUM')
A small group of us are setting this up - with a little help - please register and discuss your ideas !
THE GATWICK CITY 'IDEAS AND DISCUSSION' FORUM (aka 'The Gatwick Forum')
http://gatwickcity.phpbb3now.com/viewforum.php?f=2&sid=92aa80bbafa38e34a0c98d1f06f392c1
WHAT WE AIM TO DO :
This Gatwick City Forum will discuss ideas - any ideas - without constraint. It will be open to anyone who can think - and does not want others to do the thinking for them.
THIS FORUM - THE REASON WHY :
Our inability to discuss ideas freely - and without constraint - has reached such dangerous levels that it now threatens humanity's survival.
A war on muddled thinking must now be declared as a pre-condition of that survival.
If it is thinkable, it is winnable.
The Gatwick City 'Ideas and Discussion' Forum is set up for anybody to discuss any idea freely and without constraint - so that humanity can survive and thrive in the 21st century.
And, hopefully, it will be seriously enjoyable to all concerned.
THE GATWICK CITY 'IDEAS AND DISCUSSION' FORUM (aka 'The Gatwick Forum')
http://gatwickcity.phpbb3now.com/viewforum.php?f=2&sid=92aa80bbafa38e34a0c98d1f06f392c1
WHAT WE AIM TO DO :
This Gatwick City Forum will discuss ideas - any ideas - without constraint. It will be open to anyone who can think - and does not want others to do the thinking for them.
THIS FORUM - THE REASON WHY :
Our inability to discuss ideas freely - and without constraint - has reached such dangerous levels that it now threatens humanity's survival.
A war on muddled thinking must now be declared as a pre-condition of that survival.
If it is thinkable, it is winnable.
The Gatwick City 'Ideas and Discussion' Forum is set up for anybody to discuss any idea freely and without constraint - so that humanity can survive and thrive in the 21st century.
And, hopefully, it will be seriously enjoyable to all concerned.
Friday, September 07, 2007
SIX AFFAIRS TO RAISE A SMILE
The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM ..
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard, I saw your shoes, You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby y boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look
at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around
behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair:
A mortician was working late one night
He examined the body of Mr.. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made
a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
seen!
"I'm sorry Mr.. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be
cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening
his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
The 4th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it
so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for
two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu ! and asked, "How much for a nice juicy
steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
here."
The 6th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
(Hat-tip : My wife)
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM ..
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard, I saw your shoes, You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby y boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look
at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around
behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair:
A mortician was working late one night
He examined the body of Mr.. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made
a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
seen!
"I'm sorry Mr.. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be
cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening
his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
The 4th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it
so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for
two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu ! and asked, "How much for a nice juicy
steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
here."
The 6th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
(Hat-tip : My wife)
Thursday, September 06, 2007
NEWS FLASH - ANCIENT PARISH OF IFIELD SAVED FROM PREDATORY DEVELOPERS ?
Just this minute received news - via The Brighton Argus - that the ancient Parish of Ifield (including Ifield Golf Club) may have been saved from predatory developers...will need to confirm...will keep you posted.
BANNED FROM THE CRAWLEY ON-LINE FORUM
Oh dear, I've been banned from the Crawley On Line Forum
http://www.crawleyonline.org/portal.php
And I didn't even swear either !
Fu...Fun times of censorship we live in these days.
http://www.crawleyonline.org/portal.php
And I didn't even swear either !
Fu...Fun times of censorship we live in these days.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
LIES AND LIARS
A man died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
"Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life."
"Where's President Bush's clock ?" asked the man.
"That's in Jesus' office...... He's using it as a ceiling fan".
(Hat-tip : Ben Trovato - chez 'Anticant')
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
"Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life."
"Where's President Bush's clock ?" asked the man.
"That's in Jesus' office...... He's using it as a ceiling fan".
(Hat-tip : Ben Trovato - chez 'Anticant')
Sunday, September 02, 2007
"PROLIXITY" = LONGWINDEDNESS = VERBAL DIARRHOEA = BULLSHIT
George Orwell, Noam Chomsky, The Guardian, Blogging...and Prolixity :
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,2160684,00.html
"Would Orwell have been a Blogger" - Guardian Comment is Free - September 2 2007
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,2160684,00.html
"Would Orwell have been a Blogger" - Guardian Comment is Free - September 2 2007
